The Importance Of Emotional Needs

From the day we are born we have physical needs. We are taught how to navigate through the world. From the day are born we also have emotional needs. As babies we cry and long to be held, to be comforted and to be loved.  Our cries as children was the first way we learned how to as for our emotional and physical needs to be met. As we grow older however we forget how to identify or ask for our emotional needs to be met. How can we ask for them if we don’t know what they are?  Some examples of our emotional needs are to feel accepted, appreciated, important, valued, loved or respected. When it feels like most of our emotional needs are being met they become “unmet emotional needs.”

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John Powell, author of Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, believes that unmet emotional needs are one of the two major causes of anxiety. He says the other is supercharged repressed emotions. Emotional needs affect us more than we realize. They stem from childhood to adulthood. We learn from our caregivers how to express or ask for our needs to be met. If in our families needs were never expressed then it will make it difficult in adulthood to be able to identify what our needs are let alone express them. The importance of if our needs have been met throughout our life can often be something we are not aware of, however unmet emotional needs and an inability to identify or ask for them can turn into a negative cycle. If one grows up not understanding how to identify or ask for their needs to be met it will translate into their adult relationships.

I have often times heard people say “isn’t it selfish to ask someone to meet my needs”? My response is, it is never selfish to healthily communicate to someone how they can make you or your relationship better. It is the responsibility of the other person to decide if they choose to meet your needs. All we can do is take responsibility for oursevles and our responses, not the responses of others. If we hold in our needs they will fester and possibly grow into anger or resentment. It can also lead us to look for other external factors to get our needs met.

When What You Say and Do Is Not In Sync With What You Feel

Some Ways We Try to Compensate for Our Unmet Emotional Needs

By managing/controlling/manipulating others

By feeling superior to them.

By seeking status, money, fame.

By competing and trying to be the fastest, the smartest, the best, etc.

By keeping all our emotions inside and never voicing them

By isolating from others

By turning to food, drugs or alcohol to comfort ourselves or deal with uncomfortable emotions

By reacting with passive aggressiveness or hostility

By people pleasing

We do these things to try and make ourselves feel ok, to feel better, to be enough. They are a temporary band aid to a wound that has yet to heal. When we behave in ways that compensate rather than address the issue we are utilziing unhealthy ways of coping. In order to feel emotionally fullfilled we must utilize healthy coping skills and it all starts with identifying what your emotional needs are and then finding ways to ask for them. You hold the key to emotional freedom.

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Finding The Artist Within: Art Therapy & Eating Disorders

Art Therapy is becoming a powerful and effective coping skill that the eating disorder community has embraced. Art therapy helps and challenges a person to create and to reflect on the process of the art making experience and the art work they create. This process is powerful especially for someone who is suffering from an eating disorder because it helps gain new insight and awareness about themselves and their eating disorder.

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Having worked with the eating disorder population for six years one common thing I have seen is how difficult it can be for so many to express or identify their feelings and thoughts. For many words are not a viable and comfortable outlet for them to use. This is why art therapy can be so powerful. The transformations I have seen in someone who with words alone could not express the pains within, utilize different avenues of art for expression is inspiring. I wanted to share with the world how art therapy can be used to help those who suffer from an eating disorder in their recovery process.
 
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Art Therapy for Bulimia or Binging:
 For so many people out their suffering from bulimia or binging the behaviors they exhibit is that of a binge then purge cycle or a binge cycle. For someone who suffers with bulimia the purge is their avenue and way to get rid of or releases intense emotions. The purge serves as the outlet for release and a physical act of expression. This physical act on themselves is the attempt to get rid of unwanted feelings & emotions that feel to much to cope with. The binge cycle is an act of no control, a person feels lost and numb during the binge often times this serves as a way to not only disconnect with the body and mind but emotions as well.  The binge and purge cycle are often attempts to cope with unresolved emotional issues such as depression, rage, powerlessness, frustration and sadness. Art therapy is a unique way of tapping into those feelings both conscious and unconscious. 

Incorporating art therapy into someone suffering from bulimia or binge eatings treatment could help with the binge and purge symptoms and a greater understanding of what the binge and purge behavior represents or how its used to help one cope. Using art therapy could become a replacement behavior or coping mechanism for the binge and purge behavior.

Art Therapy for Anorexia
: For someone struggling with anorexia there is a restricting of not only food but emotions. Those who suffer from anorexia severely restrict their food content and this serves many emotional purposes. Starvation depletes the body of essential nutrients that the body needs to feel energy and function. Someone who suffers from anorexia feels a numbing of emotions when in severe starvation. They no longer feel any troubling emotions inside, starvation allows them to numb the pain they feel internally. Art therapy provides an outlet for anorexics to explore buried feelings as well as reconnect with their feelings and perception of themselves and their body.

Art therapy can be used like a key to open doors and hidden things. I empower you if you are struggling with expressing or identifying negative emotions to channel them into a creative form of expression. This allows the development of a new language to find a healthy way to cope with emotions. 

Some examples of utilizing art for coping:

– Creative Journaling

– Scrap booking

– Vision Boarding

– Collage Making

– Painting.

– Writing 

– Pottery/ Clay Making

My hope is to increase the awareness of utilizing art therapy and give so many out there hope that there are healthy powerful ways to confront and get through the pain without turning to the eating disorder behaviors. There is hope for recovery, it’s time to find the artist within