Breaking the Silence: Eating Disorders and the men who suffer

Eating disorders are commonly associated as a struggle that only women go through even commonly referred to as a “woman’s disease”. Preoccupation with image, body,  and self is highly associated to be issues that women struggle with and think about. I am here to break the silence and inform you that this stereotype is far from true. The reality is that out of the 8 millions people who suffer from Eating Disorders in the US 10 percent of them are male. In fact between 1999 and 2009 the government estimates indicate that the number of males admitted to hospitals for complications from eating disorders rose by a whopping 53 percent. Recent studies and surveys show that young males have admitted to vomiting, restricting or have used laxatives to control their weight as well as taken diet pills. This can be rather shocking as men stereotypically are not thought of to suffer from an eating disorder. I estimate that the rate of men who suffer is probably a lot higher but the embaressment and shame that many men feel stops them from speaking out and seeking treatment for themselves. I am here to shed some light that yes men suffer from eating disorders too.

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I can speak on this personally because I have worked in three residential treatment centers and I have seen many young boys and men come into treatment. I have seen boys as young as 10 and the ages range up to the age of 50. Speaking with these boys and men shed so much insight into the gripping affect body image and pressure that men themselves can feel. I have noticed this especially among male athletes who must meet weight requirments for different types of sports. Men feel their own pressure to achieve a certain look or body image type.

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Today men are more aware and conscious of their bodies. Media portrays the look of lean, fit built men with muscles and depending on the sport or peer groups, more men are feeling pressured to achieve a certain look. I have noticed that especially men who are involved with wrestling, running, football and other sports feel intense pressure to be above or under a certain weight class. This leads men to either overeat, restrict, purge or use laxatives to meet this criteria. The bottom line is we need to end the stereotypes that eating disorders are a woman’s disease. I want to educate and increase the awareness that an eating disorder can affect anyone! No matter what your age, gender, status etc eating disorders are on the rise and affecting more people. Education needs to start at an early age and that begins with parents and in the schools. We also need to end the shame associated with having an eating disorder. It already is a disorder that those who suffer feel guilt and shame and have a hard time reaching out for help, but the men who suffer feel an even heightened shame to seek help.  Treatment and groups have  traditionally been targeted to women so we need to branch out and make avenues of help more open so people feel more comfortable reaching out. It’s time to end the invisible struggle, its time to break free, its time to heal!

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Project HEAL’s new social media & marketing chair… ME!

Happy Tuesday Everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday vacation. I have been keeping very busy and have so many exciting and wonderful projects to announce. I am so excited to announce that I will be Project HEAL’s Southern California Chapters new social media and marketing chair! 

ImageI have always seen my mission as a person and as a therapist to spread hope and love to people who may be struggling not only with eating disorders but self-esteem issues, depression anxiety the list goes on. My heart has always been tied to the eating disorder community and a passion to increase education and spread awareness of just how prevalent eating disorders are in our society and how so many people are suffering from an eating disorder.

When I discovered Project HEAL my heart nearly exploded with excitement and delight. For those of you who may have never heard of Project HEAL they are a non profit organization that was started by two young girls who met while undergoing treatment for anorexia nervosa. They helped each other to reach full recovery, and then wanted to help others achieve it as well. In the spring of 2008, they founded Project HEAL to raise money for others suffering with eating disorders who want to recover but are unable to afford treatment. Unfortunately, insurance coverage for eating disorders is severely lacking, leaving many unable to get the help they need.Additionally, and equally important, Kristina and Liana have expanded Project HEAL’s mission by serving as mentors and consultants with the hopes of diminishing the societal obsession with body image that often contributes to eating disorders.

Project HEAL has since expanded to many different states as well as other countries. When the opportunity came to apply to be Souther California’s social media and marketing chair I jumped at the chance and was so happy to have received the position. Eating disorder awareness in my opinion is lacking, there is little to no education and it such a prevalent disease that affects so many people it leaves me frustrated at times wishing there was a way to spread the message, to tell people what to look for, to spread a message of hope that recovery is possible. Project HEAL is an outlet and organization that is doing all of these things. I love their saying ” I choose to HEAL because.?” I believe that such a simple question yields powerful results. So today I ask the world why do you choose to heal? 

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 I want to thank Project HEAL for allowing me to partner up with your organization so I can continue to fulfill my passion and my purpose which is eating disorder awareness, education and hope. Please visit their website for more information 
visit on Twitter: @ProjectHealSoCa
visit on Instagram: ProjectHEALSoCal
Visit on Pinterest: Project HEAL Southern California Chapter
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Emotional Reactivity? Our Emotions are linked to our body.. What?

One thing I have noticed working with eating disorders is how much the emotional reactivity of someone affects their thoughts, actions and their body sensations.  The eating disorder behavior whether it be through restricting, purging, over exercising, or binging is usually an emotional reaction to a triggering event. I often hear stories such as a mother or father making a comment that is triggering, friends isolating or alienating someone, bullying, a romantic relationship gone awry, the eating disorder behavior is a way for someone to act out their chaotic emotions. I often ask a client of this reaction ” You did this to get back or punish the person who did you wrong or caused you pain but in the end who is it hurting” It often is reflected back to them, it hurts them and feeds into the cycle of self loathing and affirms the belief that they deserve to be punished. In attempting to punish someone else, the cycle ends up punishing them. One of the emotions that I hear come up is anger, anger is one of the most triggering emotions for someone who suffers from an eating disorder. Anger however is a secondary emotion, there is always a bigger emotion almost like the elephant in the room lingering behind anger. Often times we don’t know to to contain or process anger, that is why many people have coping outlets to deal with anger, shame, frustration etc. It can be alcohol, drugs, or eating disorder behaviors. Many times we respond in anger to the words or actions of someone in our life but not only are we responding to what they did or said but how we interpret the meaning of what was done or said. Your body takes on that energy and then inside you feel anger. Our body takes on our feelings and our emotions are what follows. 

One thing I really love to educate my clients on is how to separate from their emotions which is done by teaching emotional regulation. Those who suffer from an eating disorder often have a hard time even identifying the emotions that are stirred up in them so helping them to not only identify their emotions but how it affects their thoughts and body and then being able to regulate them is a powerful thing. That is why I love to work with clients to help them identify these emotions and learn how to think about them, cope with them so they can feel their feelings but not stay stuck in them. There are many great techniques for dealing with emotions, calm music, journaling one thing I find really helpful is opposite action. Opposite Action is a skill from DBT ( Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) .

This skill educates you on one basic fact, every emotions has a leading action. If we feel fear we have an instinct to hide or run away, if we feel sadness we cry etc.

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The second point of Opposite Action is that our actions affect our emotions. It is described as a cycle so if we change our actions we can in turn change our emotions, just as if we change how we deal with our emotions we can change our actions. The big question to ask yourself is ‘Does the situation actually justify the emotion?’ This question will help you know when to apply opposite action & to reverse the cycle. To achieve opposite action it requires you to be very present and in tune with yourself and emotions and you do the work to change the initial thoughts and reaction patterns. 
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It is important to accept your feelings and not judge them or allow yourself to feel guilt or shame for experiencing emotions. My hope is that you realize that your feelings thoughts and emotions are valid and meaningful. We cannot help how we feel sometimes, sometimes our mind and emotions sneak up on us when we least expect it, but through work and time and self awareness you can control how you handle your emotions. 

Final Version Of My Interview About Eating Disorders

New Eating Disorder Recovery & Support Group In Orange County!

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The 10 Levels Of Healing!

Today I want to talk about something that I see a lot in working with clients and that is when we are the victim of a trauma, tragedy, life event or circumstance the victimization we feel and pain associated with that stays with us. I work to help the clients I see confront and conquer the victimization they feel in their lives and educate them that they have a choice. A choice to break the victim cycle and begin a process towards self love, strength and healing. 

There are many different ways people heal, it can be through holistic approaches, therapy, acupuncture and many more different outlets. I work with my clients and remind them to be patient in the healing process because it always takes a lot of time and work but it is possible. I think if a person can find the greater purpose of a tragic event or situation it gives them the power to take control and take back what was lost. When we can become aware that we stay trapped in our victim mentalities it enables people from moving on and letting go and it can actually become a role that people embody in all their relationships. 

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I love to use and teach my clients the ten steps of healing taken from the book victim no more written by: Lori Rikowski.

Level 1: Awareness: Identifying with victim behavior ( this is where you start to explore your belief system, make changes and being your healing process

Level 2: Commitment: You commit to change old patterns & begin to practice healing tools. You choose to leave old ways of thinking behind and you follow through with ACTION! Find interests hobbies activities, things that bring you joy, confidence and strength.

Level 3: Results: You notice the results of the changes you are making, your awareness leads you to greater understanding.

Level 4: Processing & Integrating: You have new insights & release old patterns. During this time be present and patient with yourself, set boundaries with yourself and the people in your life

Level 5: Determination becomes stronger: You are determined to create more balance in your life.

Level 6: Increased Awareness: Your increased awareness has led you to be able to identify your patterns and notice when you are in them.

Level 7: Self Worth Expands: Your self worth continues to grow and expand. You start to experience self worth and self love

Level 8: Stopped creating dramas: You are able to go about your life without feeling like a victim, you are able to see people and situations more clearly. You are able to focus on your journey and growth and use a survival instinct rather than a defeatist mentality.

Level 9: Confidence: You have confidence in handling life’s lessons. You accept the world and yourself in the world eve in difficult times. You acceptance results in peace and comfort in even tough situations.

Level 10: Experience: Your life is more pleasurable, you continue to want to grow and be present with the world and with yourself.

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Forgiving our mistakes

I have worked with many different people in the past that come to see me with so many different life issues and hardships and one thing that I notice a lot in working with people is how much peoples mistakes or failures still haunt them. People tend to hold on so tightly to their mistakes and failures that is ends up consuming their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and most importantly how they view and see themselves. In general we as people tend to be very hard on ourselves and often times that can lead to the mistakes we make becoming our own prison that we can’t seem to break free from.

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If you are someone who still feels trapped by unresolved issues with others or yourself. Trapped by the mistakes you have made or opportunities you didn’t take. Then this post is for you to be able to finally face it and let it all go. To do that there needs to be resolution. As human beings a sense of closure and relief is something we all long for and need to be able to feel a sense of peace or to make understanding, often times however we are not able to receive closure for many different reasons. That is why we have the capability to create our own closure. Einstein said some very true and honest words ” Who never made any mistakes never learned from anything new.” To be able to move on and heal we must forgive others but we must forgive ourselves. I love to use this exercise taken from the Hoffman Process book written by: Tim Laurence.

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This is a good exercise to either do alone or if theres a lot of pain and emotions you feel may come out to do with a trusted friend or partner or even suggest doing this with your therapist. Get into a moment of relaxation and quiet place, start to think about the different things that are or have bothered you, things that you hold onto, things that make you feel any pain, guilt, shame or regret. If the emotions start to stir inside you notice your body and its sensations, notice your mind and your thoughts and allow the emotions to flow in and out of you and pass through you. Be aware to not simply bury the feeling but to actually begin to face them and let them go.

Make a list of the mistakes and regrets you have or have made and after each one write …. And I forgive myself

When you are done take a moment to sit and reflect and then take the paper and ritually rip it up. This is your release of all the pain and mistakes that were holding you back. You have faced them acknowledged them and now you are throwing them away. If you try this exercise let me know how it worked for you, what didn’t or your thoughts.

Have a healing week everyone!