The Different Roads Of Thinking

I have been working in the field of mental health for several years and throughout my experience I witness more and more the power our minds and our thoughts truly have.  I am in awe each day at how truly powerful our thoughts affect almost every part of our lives. The power and magnitude one thought can have and the direction it can take one person on is truly astounding. How one thought can directly influence our perceptions, our emotional states and the paths in life we choose to take. It can take one experience, one comment, one person to evoke a thought which then evokes a feeling or belief and in turn influences our actions. The power of our thoughts can guide us down a road of strength, empowerment and positivity or down a road of despair, defeat and self destruction. Often times we overlook and minimize the magnitude of just how powerful our minds and thoughts truly are.

 

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A lot of the work I do is helping people to identify the positive as well as negative thoughts they feed and give power to each and every day. To identify how their thoughts affect them in multiple areas of their lives. Often times we don’t realize we have the power and strength to choose which mental road we travel down. To often we are fueled by impulse and reaction that we don’t stop and think to question which road we choose to travel down. Do we travel the roads which are helpful with positive thoughts and solutions or do we find ourselves lost and wondering down the road of negative and unhealthy thinking, feeling lost, fearful and trapped?

Listed below are some of the different roads of wrong thinking that have some of the deepest impact, that a lot of people find themselves lost in.

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1.) The Road of Fear and Anxiety: “Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” 
― Jim Morrison.

Fear and anxiety have the power to stop many people in their tracks and leave them feeling confused, scared and looking for a way out. Fear can get in our minds and hold us back from where we are meant to go and our destiny. How often have you found yourself trapped in fear and anxiety? Better yet how often did you come to find out that the fear and anxiety was caused by being wrapped up in what you thought would or could happen and not in what was actually the reality of what was happening. Fear and Anxiety can be a sign that there are thoughts and feelings that we are not paying attention to. It can be a signal or an alert that something is going on within us that needs to be addressed. So often fear and anxiety is something that we try to block, numb or not look at because it can feel too overwhelming. The road of fear and anxiety can take people into a dark isolating place or lead them to seek alternative escapes. That is why when fear or anxiety comes up it is best to take time out so you can physically calm down. A moment to ask yourself, what do I need to look at? What is triggering my reaction at this moment? What evidence do I have that my fears or anxieties are true? There is an alternative road to choose and that is the road of introspection and curiosity. To feel safe enough to work through fear and anxiety instead of running away from it can help people realize that they don’t have to succumb to the fears and anxiety they experience. It’s impossible to think clearly when you’re flooded with fear or anxiety. When we can work through fear, when we can face anxiety, then we can work to find ways to cope and help manage anxiety the more confidence begins to develop in ourselves and in our ability to move forward and face the things in life we once avoided.

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2.) The road of doubt and lack of trust: “When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac 

How often does self doubt and an inability to trust ones self affect the way you look at making decisions and how you feel about your capabilities? For many people their inability to trust in themselves can create distress and self doubt. The voice of self doubt can be an overpowering voice that has the power to hold you back.  They create thoughts and feelings that keep people from going after things in life, seizing opportunities and keep them from fulfilling their potential. I see many clients struggle with doubting themselves and who they are and in turn have gone down a road of self sabotage, avoidance and running away when they are unsure of people, places and opportunities. Often times people seek outside sources for validation and reassurance, hoping someone else will know what we should do or the decisions we should make. When you doubt yourself it further affirms the lack of trust and confidence in yourself. That is why a lot of the work I do with clients is to identify the messages sent to them about who they are and their capabilities. Whose voice is truly speaking to them and what messages are  influencing and guiding the road they embark on? The more you can take a moment, stop and pay attention to what voice you are listening to, the more you can one day separate the voices of others from your own voice within. Once we can gain awareness and trust in our intuition, identify what it is  telling you and where it is leading you then you can begin to go down the road of confidence and assuredness of who you are and the decisions you make.

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3.) The Road of Victimization- “How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the day…You shake off yourself defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve.”~ Steve Maraboli

One of the biggest types of thinking that I see hold people back is victimization. The belief and feeling that no one understands you or what you have been through. The fear that after so much pain if you open yourself up to the world or people you will get hurt. The belief that you have no control over your life. This mentality allows room to dwell in sadness and self pity which untimely leads to no where. When we identify ourselves with a victim mentality we allow that to be our identify and box us in. In many cases the experiences people have had carry so much pain and torment it is hard to fathom how anyone could ever understand so we limit ourselves with people and in life. In turn this type of thinking can become a defense mechanism that feels safe and secure. There comes a point however when too many walls are built and defenses are up that we are blinded to see that there are people who care enough to want to support and lift us up. I heard an amazing quote that resonated very strongly with me, ” The victim mindset will tell you all the reasons why you cannot. A victor mindset tells you all the reasons you can.” – Ben Prescott. When we identify  ourselves as a victim and live in fear it leaves room for resentment, anger or bitterness to take over. We give power to the things that hurt us. In time if we allow ourselves to process, to face and to work to heal from the people, places and circumstances that wounded us then the path becomes much more clearer. We have the ability to create a new story, a new role, a new mindset a chance to ask ourselves, Do I walk down the path of continued victimization or do I walk down the path where I now can become the victor from my pain. To choose the path of a victor is to choose a path that leads to hope, healing and freedom.

Listed above is just a few of the many different ways our thought process and ways of coping influence our perceptions, thoughts and actions. It starts with awareness and taking one small step towards change at a time, a step towards new behaviors, new actions, new thought processes and a step towards a new path. Once there is awareness then we can work to find compassion for ourselves, strength, hope and work to walk towards the roads of healing and positive thinking.

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The Importance Of Emotional Needs

From the day we are born we have physical needs. We are taught how to navigate through the world. From the day are born we also have emotional needs. As babies we cry and long to be held, to be comforted and to be loved.  Our cries as children was the first way we learned how to as for our emotional and physical needs to be met. As we grow older however we forget how to identify or ask for our emotional needs to be met. How can we ask for them if we don’t know what they are?  Some examples of our emotional needs are to feel accepted, appreciated, important, valued, loved or respected. When it feels like most of our emotional needs are being met they become “unmet emotional needs.”

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John Powell, author of Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, believes that unmet emotional needs are one of the two major causes of anxiety. He says the other is supercharged repressed emotions. Emotional needs affect us more than we realize. They stem from childhood to adulthood. We learn from our caregivers how to express or ask for our needs to be met. If in our families needs were never expressed then it will make it difficult in adulthood to be able to identify what our needs are let alone express them. The importance of if our needs have been met throughout our life can often be something we are not aware of, however unmet emotional needs and an inability to identify or ask for them can turn into a negative cycle. If one grows up not understanding how to identify or ask for their needs to be met it will translate into their adult relationships.

I have often times heard people say “isn’t it selfish to ask someone to meet my needs”? My response is, it is never selfish to healthily communicate to someone how they can make you or your relationship better. It is the responsibility of the other person to decide if they choose to meet your needs. All we can do is take responsibility for oursevles and our responses, not the responses of others. If we hold in our needs they will fester and possibly grow into anger or resentment. It can also lead us to look for other external factors to get our needs met.

When What You Say and Do Is Not In Sync With What You Feel

Some Ways We Try to Compensate for Our Unmet Emotional Needs

By managing/controlling/manipulating others

By feeling superior to them.

By seeking status, money, fame.

By competing and trying to be the fastest, the smartest, the best, etc.

By keeping all our emotions inside and never voicing them

By isolating from others

By turning to food, drugs or alcohol to comfort ourselves or deal with uncomfortable emotions

By reacting with passive aggressiveness or hostility

By people pleasing

We do these things to try and make ourselves feel ok, to feel better, to be enough. They are a temporary band aid to a wound that has yet to heal. When we behave in ways that compensate rather than address the issue we are utilziing unhealthy ways of coping. In order to feel emotionally fullfilled we must utilize healthy coping skills and it all starts with identifying what your emotional needs are and then finding ways to ask for them. You hold the key to emotional freedom.

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MIrror Mirror On The Wall: Shattering the illusion that deceives

We all know the fairy tale of Snow White. As a little girl I remember being terrified of the wicked witch and her hatred for anything that the mirror on the wall could reveil would be more beautiful than she was. I reflect back on the messages I received from that one fairy tale, the impact and focus of the mirror on the wall. Determining truth, determining worth, determining value,  determining destiny. I wish I could say that the story of the mirror on the wall is just that a fairy tale however that would be false,  it is very much the reality of so many men and woman today. The mirror signifies worth, value, mood, thoughts, actions and life. What is this mirror and who decided it’s refelction of us was truth, better yet who decided it had the capacity to reflect all of who we truly are. This post takes a closer look at one of the cores of all types of eating disorder and that is negative body image and the distortions that feed into them.  I am writing to shed light on distorted body images that come from struggling with an eating disorder but for those who have or suffer from body dysmorphic disorder as well. My hope is this post will help shatter and break the glass in the mirror on the wall.

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We all have a vision or an idea of what we would like to see. For many when they look in the mirror there is a distinct focus that is the point of fixation. For so many their self worth is linked to what they perceive in the mirror but my message is that the mirror lies. I am not talking about the mirror itself but our minds mirror, the build up of words, ideas, thoughts, images that build up a visual of what we are supposed to look like, what we should see in the mirror and what we are worth. I challenge clients everyday to think for one moment if the image they saw and strived for in their minds would appear in the mirror would they stop chasing the vision, would they feel content, validated, happy. The answer is most always NO. The fear that confines and haunts those who suffer from eating disorders and distorted body images of themselves keep them wanting to go deeper and deeper, it feeds their eating disorders & validates the disorder. If their ” ideal body” was to show in the mirror, they would want to improve that image, go further, keep going. This is where the danger lies, this is the distorted body image that haunts so many people in the world. The belief that if they could achieve what their mind believes is beautiful enough that everything else in their world be alright.

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Body dysmorphic disorder is a psychological condition in which a person becomes obsessed with their appearance and a perceived flaw in their appearance. So many woman and men struggle with who they see in the mirror. They stand in front of it everyday, some in dread, some in anger, some in sadness and some in disgust. For some the idea of facing what they see in the mirror is so anxiety provoking that they avoid it all together. The race for perfection drives so many to fixate on what they perceive in their minds as flaws. The medias portrayal of what is beautiful as well as our own idea of what is beautiful can be very damaging. Kids at a young age are now paying attention to fashion and dieting the list goes on. For those struggling with a distorted body image I believe it goes beyond just the body focus but a distorted sense of self and the world. Often times those who dislike and hate their bodies dislike themselves. The core in dealing with this issue is to help a client work through what has led to their low self esteem and low self worth. By starting to uncover where they learned to question or dislike who they are. By helping them discover the connections we can slowly start to put cracks in the mirror. 

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It is said in the professional community of those who treat eating disorders that the preoccupation with body image is the last to go in the stages of recovery. While I can agree that yes body image acceptance is very challenging for someone recovering from an eating disorder it is possible. To see the transition from someone who hates their body and who they are, to someone who embraces their body and is proud of who they are,  for me as a clinician it is one of the most satisfying to witness.  I wish I could provide simple steps to loving your body etc I wish it were that easy. What I can provide is hope by just addressing this topic we are increasing the awareness for so many who struggle everyday hating their body. As clinicians I again empower you to educate yourselves and look beyond what is presented to you from your clients. I like to look beyond the negative distorted body image and start cracking that mirror. I look for patterns and connections of what else may be distorted in a clients mind about who they are and the life they could have. When clients can make the connections of the distortions they have that go beyond just their body it can be very powerful for them. If someone who suffers from a distorted body image can get a glimpse of their true reflection it can lead to them developing the tools to shatter their mirrors. If someone allows themselves to be open to challenge what they see, chances are that there may be a glimpse of their true self shown and thats where the power can lie, the reality vs. the mirror. It starts from within, developing self love, develop some empathy for themselves and one day developing pride in who they are. My hope is for anyone struggling to one day see yourselves for who you truly are and that is beautiful. 

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“Maturity is that time when the mirrors in our mind turn to windows and instead of seeing the reflection of ourselves we see others.” 

For more from Priscilla Jadallah and on eating disorders please check out her internet series Behind The Mask: Eating Disorders Unveiled

http://www.therapycable.com/streams/content/69-behind-the-mask

Walk On Guest Blog Post written by: Madison Nixey

When discussing any difficult issues or topics what motivates me and keeps me hopeful are the people who live a life of inspiration. I was honored and touched when such an amazing woman Madison Nixey reached out to me and asked if she could write a post for my blog. My immediate answer is yes. Madison is someone who I met about three years ago. I have had the honor of seeing her along her journey in recovery and she inspires me in so many ways. Her spunk, her say it how it is attitude, her humor and her strength never stop surprising me. Madison was recently in New York City participating in the NEDA walk and that is where her blog post starts. Thank you Madison for writing and sharing a part of your experience to the world.

(Madison & I at the Norooz Clinic Art Fair where Madison spoke about her journey  & recovery from her eating disorder)

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Walk On written by: Madison Nixey     

Last Friday, October 4th I flew out to New York to attend my second ever NEDA walk. Sunday morning, October 6, I laced up my Nike’s and hopped on the subway. The Los Angeles NEDA walk was in February this past year and my experience there left a lot to be desired. I got off the subway at Foley Square, right by the big courthouse in New York. We wandered for a little but confused because there weren’t many visible signs up. We made a left and found ourselves on the outskirts of a huge group of NEDA walkers. Around 1300 people came out to support the cause. 1300 PEOPLE GUYS! That’s like, a whole 1100 more than attended the walk in Santa Monica!!! The atmosphere was incredible. All around me I could hear stories of sadness and hope. There were many people walking for their kids and their mothers and also lots of groups walking for people who had passed away from complications of their eating disorders. The emotion was overwhelming walking around talking to people. It was a great mixture of pride and sadness and fallen dreams. There were parents mourning the loss of the great future their child could have had and children mourning the years lost spent with their mothers.

The walk was across the beautiful Brooklyn Bridge. You could hear chanting and screaming and laughter. It was truly an amazing event to attend. People were stopping me to ask about the cause and the amount of people who even just turned and gave us a second glance was unreal. Along our route/gathering place, there were signs with statistics and ‘fun facts’ about eating disorders. One of the ones that stood out to me the most was; “35-57% of adolescent girls engage in crash dieting, fasting, self induced vomiting, diet pills or laxatives”. Take a minute and let that sink in………

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Anorexia is the most deadly mental illness and the least talked about cause. It is so so important for awareness to be brought to this issue and we all need to get together and talk about it. Everyone knows someone and everybody’s life whether we know it or not has been affected by disordered eating, whether it be within ourselves or people around us. We need to get together to fight. Fight for better government funding, fight for better insurance coverage, and fight for the right to not be ashamed of what we’ve been through and to be proud of the fight we will have to constantly go through for the rest of our lives.

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My eating disorder started when I was 12 years old. I fought to get treatment at age 17. I’ve been in recovery for three years in February. It’s been the hardest, most challenging road I have ever had to walk but it is also the most rewarding and I wouldn’t ever go back and change anything. I view my anorexia more as a blessing than anything because it has taught me to be a strong, independent woman who knows how to fight for what I want. I spend all my free time I have (which is getting to be less and less being in nursing school) dedicated to talking—sharing my story, sharing my recovery and being an open book. The power of sharing your story holds so much, you never know who is still secretly struggling and who could benefit.

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Project HEAL’s new social media & marketing chair… ME!

Happy Tuesday Everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday vacation. I have been keeping very busy and have so many exciting and wonderful projects to announce. I am so excited to announce that I will be Project HEAL’s Southern California Chapters new social media and marketing chair! 

ImageI have always seen my mission as a person and as a therapist to spread hope and love to people who may be struggling not only with eating disorders but self-esteem issues, depression anxiety the list goes on. My heart has always been tied to the eating disorder community and a passion to increase education and spread awareness of just how prevalent eating disorders are in our society and how so many people are suffering from an eating disorder.

When I discovered Project HEAL my heart nearly exploded with excitement and delight. For those of you who may have never heard of Project HEAL they are a non profit organization that was started by two young girls who met while undergoing treatment for anorexia nervosa. They helped each other to reach full recovery, and then wanted to help others achieve it as well. In the spring of 2008, they founded Project HEAL to raise money for others suffering with eating disorders who want to recover but are unable to afford treatment. Unfortunately, insurance coverage for eating disorders is severely lacking, leaving many unable to get the help they need.Additionally, and equally important, Kristina and Liana have expanded Project HEAL’s mission by serving as mentors and consultants with the hopes of diminishing the societal obsession with body image that often contributes to eating disorders.

Project HEAL has since expanded to many different states as well as other countries. When the opportunity came to apply to be Souther California’s social media and marketing chair I jumped at the chance and was so happy to have received the position. Eating disorder awareness in my opinion is lacking, there is little to no education and it such a prevalent disease that affects so many people it leaves me frustrated at times wishing there was a way to spread the message, to tell people what to look for, to spread a message of hope that recovery is possible. Project HEAL is an outlet and organization that is doing all of these things. I love their saying ” I choose to HEAL because.?” I believe that such a simple question yields powerful results. So today I ask the world why do you choose to heal? 

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 I want to thank Project HEAL for allowing me to partner up with your organization so I can continue to fulfill my passion and my purpose which is eating disorder awareness, education and hope. Please visit their website for more information 
visit on Twitter: @ProjectHealSoCa
visit on Instagram: ProjectHEALSoCal
Visit on Pinterest: Project HEAL Southern California Chapter
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New Eating Disorder Recovery & Support Group In Orange County!

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