The Different Roads Of Thinking

I have been working in the field of mental health for several years and throughout my experience I witness more and more the power our minds and our thoughts truly have.  I am in awe each day at how truly powerful our thoughts affect almost every part of our lives. The power and magnitude one thought can have and the direction it can take one person on is truly astounding. How one thought can directly influence our perceptions, our emotional states and the paths in life we choose to take. It can take one experience, one comment, one person to evoke a thought which then evokes a feeling or belief and in turn influences our actions. The power of our thoughts can guide us down a road of strength, empowerment and positivity or down a road of despair, defeat and self destruction. Often times we overlook and minimize the magnitude of just how powerful our minds and thoughts truly are.

 

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A lot of the work I do is helping people to identify the positive as well as negative thoughts they feed and give power to each and every day. To identify how their thoughts affect them in multiple areas of their lives. Often times we don’t realize we have the power and strength to choose which mental road we travel down. To often we are fueled by impulse and reaction that we don’t stop and think to question which road we choose to travel down. Do we travel the roads which are helpful with positive thoughts and solutions or do we find ourselves lost and wondering down the road of negative and unhealthy thinking, feeling lost, fearful and trapped?

Listed below are some of the different roads of wrong thinking that have some of the deepest impact, that a lot of people find themselves lost in.

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1.) The Road of Fear and Anxiety: “Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” 
― Jim Morrison.

Fear and anxiety have the power to stop many people in their tracks and leave them feeling confused, scared and looking for a way out. Fear can get in our minds and hold us back from where we are meant to go and our destiny. How often have you found yourself trapped in fear and anxiety? Better yet how often did you come to find out that the fear and anxiety was caused by being wrapped up in what you thought would or could happen and not in what was actually the reality of what was happening. Fear and Anxiety can be a sign that there are thoughts and feelings that we are not paying attention to. It can be a signal or an alert that something is going on within us that needs to be addressed. So often fear and anxiety is something that we try to block, numb or not look at because it can feel too overwhelming. The road of fear and anxiety can take people into a dark isolating place or lead them to seek alternative escapes. That is why when fear or anxiety comes up it is best to take time out so you can physically calm down. A moment to ask yourself, what do I need to look at? What is triggering my reaction at this moment? What evidence do I have that my fears or anxieties are true? There is an alternative road to choose and that is the road of introspection and curiosity. To feel safe enough to work through fear and anxiety instead of running away from it can help people realize that they don’t have to succumb to the fears and anxiety they experience. It’s impossible to think clearly when you’re flooded with fear or anxiety. When we can work through fear, when we can face anxiety, then we can work to find ways to cope and help manage anxiety the more confidence begins to develop in ourselves and in our ability to move forward and face the things in life we once avoided.

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2.) The road of doubt and lack of trust: “When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac 

How often does self doubt and an inability to trust ones self affect the way you look at making decisions and how you feel about your capabilities? For many people their inability to trust in themselves can create distress and self doubt. The voice of self doubt can be an overpowering voice that has the power to hold you back.  They create thoughts and feelings that keep people from going after things in life, seizing opportunities and keep them from fulfilling their potential. I see many clients struggle with doubting themselves and who they are and in turn have gone down a road of self sabotage, avoidance and running away when they are unsure of people, places and opportunities. Often times people seek outside sources for validation and reassurance, hoping someone else will know what we should do or the decisions we should make. When you doubt yourself it further affirms the lack of trust and confidence in yourself. That is why a lot of the work I do with clients is to identify the messages sent to them about who they are and their capabilities. Whose voice is truly speaking to them and what messages are  influencing and guiding the road they embark on? The more you can take a moment, stop and pay attention to what voice you are listening to, the more you can one day separate the voices of others from your own voice within. Once we can gain awareness and trust in our intuition, identify what it is  telling you and where it is leading you then you can begin to go down the road of confidence and assuredness of who you are and the decisions you make.

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3.) The Road of Victimization- “How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the day…You shake off yourself defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve.”~ Steve Maraboli

One of the biggest types of thinking that I see hold people back is victimization. The belief and feeling that no one understands you or what you have been through. The fear that after so much pain if you open yourself up to the world or people you will get hurt. The belief that you have no control over your life. This mentality allows room to dwell in sadness and self pity which untimely leads to no where. When we identify ourselves with a victim mentality we allow that to be our identify and box us in. In many cases the experiences people have had carry so much pain and torment it is hard to fathom how anyone could ever understand so we limit ourselves with people and in life. In turn this type of thinking can become a defense mechanism that feels safe and secure. There comes a point however when too many walls are built and defenses are up that we are blinded to see that there are people who care enough to want to support and lift us up. I heard an amazing quote that resonated very strongly with me, ” The victim mindset will tell you all the reasons why you cannot. A victor mindset tells you all the reasons you can.” – Ben Prescott. When we identify  ourselves as a victim and live in fear it leaves room for resentment, anger or bitterness to take over. We give power to the things that hurt us. In time if we allow ourselves to process, to face and to work to heal from the people, places and circumstances that wounded us then the path becomes much more clearer. We have the ability to create a new story, a new role, a new mindset a chance to ask ourselves, Do I walk down the path of continued victimization or do I walk down the path where I now can become the victor from my pain. To choose the path of a victor is to choose a path that leads to hope, healing and freedom.

Listed above is just a few of the many different ways our thought process and ways of coping influence our perceptions, thoughts and actions. It starts with awareness and taking one small step towards change at a time, a step towards new behaviors, new actions, new thought processes and a step towards a new path. Once there is awareness then we can work to find compassion for ourselves, strength, hope and work to walk towards the roads of healing and positive thinking.

Untangling the Eating Disorder Web

I reflect back to when I was younger and I remember talking with my friends, laughing over music, movies, actors we had crushes on and I remember how much of my childhood was organic innocent and fun. I now think about times today and it baffles me how much the focus and conversations of todays youth has changed. Young girls and boys have become increasingly more aware and fixated over not only body image but overall appearance and image of self. The focus has become so heigntened and it only continues to grow. With today’s  celebrities, media fixations etc  the younger generation is being fed false images and personas that are impossible and dangerous to want to obtain. I do not blame any specific avenue for the increase in our younger generations precoccupation with self and image but I think there are many contributing components for what leads children at a younger age to develop a complex with their body, themselves and their self esteem.

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I like to compare an eating disorder to a spider spinning its web. It starts small but slowly and over time can continue to be spun and develop and grow bigger and bigger. As it develops it has unmeasurable strength and has developed into the foundation of what the spider lives on. Eating disorders are like the web. It is my mission to help clients untangle that web and remove the tangles that bind them. What makes an eating disorder one of the hardest things to overcome is, like the spider in its web, it becomes the source of survival and a sense of comfort and a home. Understanding this concept alone as a therapist has helped me to help those who are struggling. To understand and be able to empathize with the fact that for someone who has a an eating disorder it is serving a purpose in their lives, it is tangled within them, it is not who they are or a life they are choosing to live but it is what they are are tangled in. Understanding the many layers of their eating disorder web will help the therapist bring to light new revelations but most importantly empower a client to untangle themselves from the web and break free.

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I attended a very interesting talk from a wonderful woman in the eating disorder field, Anita Johnson and she imparted so much wisdom into me and how I will further expand on the way I treat eating disorders. One thing she spoke about really stuck out to me and it was her saying to look past the eating disorder behaviors. As a clinician in private practice or working in treatment centers one thing I have noticed clients say is not everything is related to their eating disorder. If a client is sad, resistant, angry, frustrated I have noticed the clinician will automatically assume it is caused by their eating disorder. This is where the danger lies because we are reducing their whole being to being fixated on the fact that they have an eating disorder. The message is being sent that ” you of course are only upset because you are suffering from your eating disorder, your eating disorder thoughts are causing your emotions for the day” My questions is can someone who has an eating disorder not be upset about anything else? As clinicians we have to be careful and examine all the layers that make up our clients, not ourselves be fixated on their behaviors and relating everything to it

Anita opened my eyes to this powerful revelation. The eating disorder behavior is a symptom of the pattern someone has within other aspects of their life. A powerful question to ask someone who is battling an eating disorder is to see in what other areas of their life are they restricting, binge purging, binging etc. You may be asking how does someone binge purge anything else but food, well here are some examples.

Restricting: Restricting relationships, restricting emotions, restricting pleasure, restricting work and jobs etc

Binge/Purge: Taking on too much and feeling overwhelmed and then needing to get rid of things. Taking on too many jobs, relationships, commitments etc

Binge: Never getting enough of or feeling fulfilled by: love, sex, work, school, friendships etc

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To look at how certain behaviors are translated into other areas of someones life can be rather freeing, to say look you are not just defined by your eating disorder, everything you do is not because you have an eating disorder it is your pattern in many other things. This pattern is serving a purpose in your life! As clinicians we need to help our clients discover their web and all its components and free themselves from it. We cannot continue to fixate on one part of the web and think it will be untangled we must be the facilitators to untangle the many dimension of an eating disorder and the many dimensions of our clients.  We must become the facilitators of change! 

To see more from Priscilla Jadallah watch her online series with Bryan Bixler titled 

Behind The Mask: Eating Disorders Unveiled