The Different Roads Of Thinking

I have been working in the field of mental health for several years and throughout my experience I witness more and more the power our minds and our thoughts truly have.  I am in awe each day at how truly powerful our thoughts affect almost every part of our lives. The power and magnitude one thought can have and the direction it can take one person on is truly astounding. How one thought can directly influence our perceptions, our emotional states and the paths in life we choose to take. It can take one experience, one comment, one person to evoke a thought which then evokes a feeling or belief and in turn influences our actions. The power of our thoughts can guide us down a road of strength, empowerment and positivity or down a road of despair, defeat and self destruction. Often times we overlook and minimize the magnitude of just how powerful our minds and thoughts truly are.

 

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A lot of the work I do is helping people to identify the positive as well as negative thoughts they feed and give power to each and every day. To identify how their thoughts affect them in multiple areas of their lives. Often times we don’t realize we have the power and strength to choose which mental road we travel down. To often we are fueled by impulse and reaction that we don’t stop and think to question which road we choose to travel down. Do we travel the roads which are helpful with positive thoughts and solutions or do we find ourselves lost and wondering down the road of negative and unhealthy thinking, feeling lost, fearful and trapped?

Listed below are some of the different roads of wrong thinking that have some of the deepest impact, that a lot of people find themselves lost in.

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1.) The Road of Fear and Anxiety: “Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” 
― Jim Morrison.

Fear and anxiety have the power to stop many people in their tracks and leave them feeling confused, scared and looking for a way out. Fear can get in our minds and hold us back from where we are meant to go and our destiny. How often have you found yourself trapped in fear and anxiety? Better yet how often did you come to find out that the fear and anxiety was caused by being wrapped up in what you thought would or could happen and not in what was actually the reality of what was happening. Fear and Anxiety can be a sign that there are thoughts and feelings that we are not paying attention to. It can be a signal or an alert that something is going on within us that needs to be addressed. So often fear and anxiety is something that we try to block, numb or not look at because it can feel too overwhelming. The road of fear and anxiety can take people into a dark isolating place or lead them to seek alternative escapes. That is why when fear or anxiety comes up it is best to take time out so you can physically calm down. A moment to ask yourself, what do I need to look at? What is triggering my reaction at this moment? What evidence do I have that my fears or anxieties are true? There is an alternative road to choose and that is the road of introspection and curiosity. To feel safe enough to work through fear and anxiety instead of running away from it can help people realize that they don’t have to succumb to the fears and anxiety they experience. It’s impossible to think clearly when you’re flooded with fear or anxiety. When we can work through fear, when we can face anxiety, then we can work to find ways to cope and help manage anxiety the more confidence begins to develop in ourselves and in our ability to move forward and face the things in life we once avoided.

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2.) The road of doubt and lack of trust: “When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac 

How often does self doubt and an inability to trust ones self affect the way you look at making decisions and how you feel about your capabilities? For many people their inability to trust in themselves can create distress and self doubt. The voice of self doubt can be an overpowering voice that has the power to hold you back.  They create thoughts and feelings that keep people from going after things in life, seizing opportunities and keep them from fulfilling their potential. I see many clients struggle with doubting themselves and who they are and in turn have gone down a road of self sabotage, avoidance and running away when they are unsure of people, places and opportunities. Often times people seek outside sources for validation and reassurance, hoping someone else will know what we should do or the decisions we should make. When you doubt yourself it further affirms the lack of trust and confidence in yourself. That is why a lot of the work I do with clients is to identify the messages sent to them about who they are and their capabilities. Whose voice is truly speaking to them and what messages are  influencing and guiding the road they embark on? The more you can take a moment, stop and pay attention to what voice you are listening to, the more you can one day separate the voices of others from your own voice within. Once we can gain awareness and trust in our intuition, identify what it is  telling you and where it is leading you then you can begin to go down the road of confidence and assuredness of who you are and the decisions you make.

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3.) The Road of Victimization- “How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the day…You shake off yourself defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve.”~ Steve Maraboli

One of the biggest types of thinking that I see hold people back is victimization. The belief and feeling that no one understands you or what you have been through. The fear that after so much pain if you open yourself up to the world or people you will get hurt. The belief that you have no control over your life. This mentality allows room to dwell in sadness and self pity which untimely leads to no where. When we identify ourselves with a victim mentality we allow that to be our identify and box us in. In many cases the experiences people have had carry so much pain and torment it is hard to fathom how anyone could ever understand so we limit ourselves with people and in life. In turn this type of thinking can become a defense mechanism that feels safe and secure. There comes a point however when too many walls are built and defenses are up that we are blinded to see that there are people who care enough to want to support and lift us up. I heard an amazing quote that resonated very strongly with me, ” The victim mindset will tell you all the reasons why you cannot. A victor mindset tells you all the reasons you can.” – Ben Prescott. When we identify  ourselves as a victim and live in fear it leaves room for resentment, anger or bitterness to take over. We give power to the things that hurt us. In time if we allow ourselves to process, to face and to work to heal from the people, places and circumstances that wounded us then the path becomes much more clearer. We have the ability to create a new story, a new role, a new mindset a chance to ask ourselves, Do I walk down the path of continued victimization or do I walk down the path where I now can become the victor from my pain. To choose the path of a victor is to choose a path that leads to hope, healing and freedom.

Listed above is just a few of the many different ways our thought process and ways of coping influence our perceptions, thoughts and actions. It starts with awareness and taking one small step towards change at a time, a step towards new behaviors, new actions, new thought processes and a step towards a new path. Once there is awareness then we can work to find compassion for ourselves, strength, hope and work to walk towards the roads of healing and positive thinking.

Renovation of our minds

Therapists work with many different types of people, people whose stories and struggle are each different and unique. One common thing I have noticed as a therapist is how powerful our thoughts truly are. Thoughts can either be your best friend or the toughest meanest bully you can ever encounter. The power however is in your hands, the power to make a transformation of your mind is possible. Look at your mind as a room that needs to be redone and revamped, we do not want to demolish the room. The goal is not to destroy, erase, damage or forget the goal is to renew, restore and to renovate.

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The definition of renovation is to replace and make new. Our minds can be filled with toxic negavitve clutter. Our thoughts have the ability to make us second guess ourselves, our worth and what we are caplable of. How many times have you had a thought of ” I can’t do that” I’ll always struggle with this issue ” I”ll never be as ( fill in the blank here)” All these negative thoughts are junk that clutter your mental and emotional space. The moment you give in to the negative thoughts you are making a silent agreement with them. An agreement that opens the door to the negative thoughts and allow it to stay, fester grow and to make themselves at home. We have to develop an “I don’t think so” mentality. When a negative thought or idea comes your way the ability to answer back with an assertive  stance and declare, NO! I don’t think so is how you start to regain power and challenge the negativity. You may be asking how?  Here are some ways you can begin to renovate your mind.

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1. Trace the origin of your thoughts- Thoughts, beliefs and ideas come from somewhere, they have an origin a birthplace. They are like seeds that are planted in us. When negative thoughts come ask yourself, where did this thought come from? Is this serving a positive purpose or a negative? Is this thought my own or does it come from somewhere else? Many times the realization that the origin of certain thoughts come from your past, your expereinces and your relationships can be freeing. Locate the origin and then you have the power to  question, challenge and fight against it.

2. To renovate your mind pull down the negative and put up the positive – Once you know the origin of negative/toxic thoughts you can start to challenge them. This is where true renovation begins, when you start to challenge negative thoughts and ideals you start to take away their power, you start to question the truth behind the thoughts. When you realize certain thoughts developed through things that were said, experiences that one person had the truth behind the start starts to break. This is when you start to replace toxic negative thoughts with positive helpful thoughts that are based off of your values and ideals. This where you start to brighten your mind.

3. Guard your mind and thoughts- When you start to challenge the negative thoughts and are able to replace them with positive then its time to guard your mind. Protect your mind from the negative to come back and reclaim the space it once had. If your awareness is heightened then you will be more in tune with yourself and what thoughts you allow to take space in your mind.

4. Be patient with yourself- Negative thoughts love to come in and say ” You can’t do this” ” This isn’t working” Give up”. Remember to be kind and patient with yourself in any challenging growing process. One of the biggest trigger emotions and thoughts are fear of failure and hopelessness.

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It is very common to allow negative thoughts to lodge into our minds and take over, that up all the space. Whether you are facing depression, sadness, bitterness, grief, eating disorders, addiction my belief is that if we can renovate our minds and clear up a lot of the negative junk then room for healing can truly begin.

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For more information please visit my website http://www.journeytowellness.info

Emotional Reactivity? Our Emotions are linked to our body.. What?

One thing I have noticed working with eating disorders is how much the emotional reactivity of someone affects their thoughts, actions and their body sensations.  The eating disorder behavior whether it be through restricting, purging, over exercising, or binging is usually an emotional reaction to a triggering event. I often hear stories such as a mother or father making a comment that is triggering, friends isolating or alienating someone, bullying, a romantic relationship gone awry, the eating disorder behavior is a way for someone to act out their chaotic emotions. I often ask a client of this reaction ” You did this to get back or punish the person who did you wrong or caused you pain but in the end who is it hurting” It often is reflected back to them, it hurts them and feeds into the cycle of self loathing and affirms the belief that they deserve to be punished. In attempting to punish someone else, the cycle ends up punishing them. One of the emotions that I hear come up is anger, anger is one of the most triggering emotions for someone who suffers from an eating disorder. Anger however is a secondary emotion, there is always a bigger emotion almost like the elephant in the room lingering behind anger. Often times we don’t know to to contain or process anger, that is why many people have coping outlets to deal with anger, shame, frustration etc. It can be alcohol, drugs, or eating disorder behaviors. Many times we respond in anger to the words or actions of someone in our life but not only are we responding to what they did or said but how we interpret the meaning of what was done or said. Your body takes on that energy and then inside you feel anger. Our body takes on our feelings and our emotions are what follows. 

One thing I really love to educate my clients on is how to separate from their emotions which is done by teaching emotional regulation. Those who suffer from an eating disorder often have a hard time even identifying the emotions that are stirred up in them so helping them to not only identify their emotions but how it affects their thoughts and body and then being able to regulate them is a powerful thing. That is why I love to work with clients to help them identify these emotions and learn how to think about them, cope with them so they can feel their feelings but not stay stuck in them. There are many great techniques for dealing with emotions, calm music, journaling one thing I find really helpful is opposite action. Opposite Action is a skill from DBT ( Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) .

This skill educates you on one basic fact, every emotions has a leading action. If we feel fear we have an instinct to hide or run away, if we feel sadness we cry etc.

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The second point of Opposite Action is that our actions affect our emotions. It is described as a cycle so if we change our actions we can in turn change our emotions, just as if we change how we deal with our emotions we can change our actions. The big question to ask yourself is ‘Does the situation actually justify the emotion?’ This question will help you know when to apply opposite action & to reverse the cycle. To achieve opposite action it requires you to be very present and in tune with yourself and emotions and you do the work to change the initial thoughts and reaction patterns. 
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It is important to accept your feelings and not judge them or allow yourself to feel guilt or shame for experiencing emotions. My hope is that you realize that your feelings thoughts and emotions are valid and meaningful. We cannot help how we feel sometimes, sometimes our mind and emotions sneak up on us when we least expect it, but through work and time and self awareness you can control how you handle your emotions. 

New Eating Disorder Recovery & Support Group In Orange County!

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Eating Disorders and Sex Addiction??!!

I attended a lecture today which discussed the correlation between eating disorders and sex addiction. Now I can’t speak for all of you out there but personally while I do know that eating disorders have a high rate of being intertwined with other disorders or addictions, sex addiction was never an addiction high on my radar. I have worked in several eating disorder treatment facilities and thought back to the people I encountered. I reflected if there were any underlying sexual issues with anyone I had seen. Nothing stood out to me where I thought ” whoa there was sex addiction somewhere there as well”. So when I received an email about this lecture I was intrigued and excited to learn. It was a very informative lecture touching about many different aspects about someone who has an eating disorder and a sex addiction. There are many similarities especially with the urge, fantasy and reward aspects. I know, having worked with many people who suffer from anorexia it was hard for me to initially understand the correlation between anorexia and sex. The speaker made some key associations, much like someone with anorexia starves or restricts, someone can exhibit sexual starvation behaviors, such as pulling away from relationships, love and touch. It can also be the opposite where someone goes through cycles of longing and seeking out relationships and love and touch in a drastic way which can be correlated to a purge like behavior much like that of someone who suffers from bulimia. While this is still a new concept to me in many ways and I am excited to learn more so I can better understand all and any issues that may come up with my clients so I can better assist and help them. I am curious to your thoughts out there! Have you heard of this? Do you know someone who has experience of sufferering from both an eating disorder & sex addiction or are there any questions you have or more you’d like to know about this topic? I hope to hear your thoughts and opinions. Happy Thursday Everyone!