To say or not to say…. That is the question?

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” 

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Working in the field of addiction and eating disorders, as well as being in eating disorder recovery myself, I have experienced and witnessed first hand the lack of knowledge and understanding many people have about eating disorders. 30 million people in the U.S. will suffer from a diagnosable eating disorder during their lifetime, while many more cases go unreported. Eating disorders are often suffered in silence and while there is a sterotypical idea of how someone with an eating disorder should look or act, that is simply not the case. Anyone and I mean anyone can suffer from an eating disorder. No matter the age, race or gender, eating disorders do not discriminate. It is important to not only be aware of signs to look for when you suspect someone in your life may be suffering from an eating disorder but also to be aware of the sensitive nature of this disease. With any form of recovery there will be good, positive days and then there will be dark challenging days. Often times certain words or statements will be enough to send someone who struggles into the dark tangled web of negative thoughts in their head. This is why education and awareness is so important. It is not the fault of those who do not understand, supporting someone with an ED can be difficult and frustrating, it is hard to watch people hurt themselves and know you can only do so much about it. This is why it is so important to educate and increase awareness for those who may not be able to understand the power of this disease. To help people gain understanding is where true change can occur.

“Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.”

Listed below are some things you should not say to someone with an eating disorder-

1.) You look healthy– To many people this seems like a very normal, harmless comment often times meant to be supportive but to someone who is struggling with an eating disorder this comment can be one of the most triggering. The eating disorder mind has a way of turning many comments and twisting them into something negative. The ED mind hears “healthy” and associates that with being fat, being like everyone else, being normal or someone noticing a change in their appearance. Being called healthy can send someone spiraling downhill into anxiety, depression or trigger them to engage in their ED behavior. When in recovery from an eating disorder it is a very sensitive time, people are challenging themselves in many ways and if they feel their body changes are noticeable to others it can re-trigger those negative ED thoughts back in a very strong way. I advice many people I work with to not comment on the weight or appearance of their loved ones and focus on discussing inward positive emotional changes instead.

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2. Comments about food– Another big trigger that can effect someone with an eating disorder is when someone else comments on their food, labels their foods as healthy or unhealthy or comments on the amount of food someone is eating. For someone struggling with an eating disorder they are already hyper vigilant about what they eat and are trying to break away from stringent rules or judgments on food. For someone trying to overcome their eating disorder, eating in front of people is a huge milestone in itself, eating in front of others is a common fear for someone struggling. Commenting on what they eat or how they eat only puts the hyper focus and fear of eating back into action. Try to refrain from commenting and instead enjoy the company of who you are with and be in the present moment.

3. Why don’t you just eat?– This comment can be very hurtful to someone struggling with an eating disorder, if eating disorder were as simple as just starting to eat or stopping when full then this wouldn’t be the deadly disease that it is. Anorexia is the number 1 cause of death among all mental health issues. Eating disorders like any other mental illness or physical illness are not a choice, no one chooses to go down the eating disorder path. It is an all consuming disease that takes over someones life. I educate people that I come across that eating disorders are more than just about the food or appearance. There is often a deep wound or pain often times eating disorders become a way to cope with many different aspects of life. Try and be supportive and ask helpful questions to gain understanding of someone who may be struggling.

4.Commenting and criticizing your own weight- Those who are struggling with their eating disorder are constantly judging and criticizing their own appearance so to be around someone who is picking themselves apart only emphasizes the negative thoughts and enforces them in the ED mind. It is best to be kind to ourselves in thought and in action, one negative thought or comment feeds off another.

5. Don’t use or talk about numbers or calories-–  This is one of the worst things you can do to someone with an ED. Many times someone with an eating disorder is trying to stop behaviors, stop the obsession of the scale, stop the focus on a dress size or weight and calorie counting. To be around someone who brings that focus and attention back to numbers will only trigger someone trying to avoid those behaviors. 

6. You don’t look like you are someone who would have an eating disorder– This comment goes hand in hand with rule #1, do not talk about someone else’s appearance. Like I stated earlier eating disorders can affect anyone. Eating disorders come in many forms and the majority of sufferers are not the stereotypical image we have of a severely underweight emaciated person. Anorexia only represents 10% of eating disorders. Bulimia affects three times as many people who struggle with ED and binge eating has the highest incidence. Many times many people can experience traits of different eating disorder behaviors going back and forth from restricting, binging, purging or over exercising. When someone who struggles hears they don’t look like they have an eating disorder the ED mind twists and distorts this comment to mean that they don’t look sick enough, that they don’t need help. There is no one way to look, to be struggling with an eating disorder and by increasing awareness this is how we challenge the stereotype. 

 

These are a few key points to keep in mind when you are speaking with or supporting someone who struggles with an eating disorder. Remember to try and be supportive, instead of focusing on food or appearance focus on how they are doing, how they are feeling and ask them how you can best support them.

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How To Love Your Body: No Seriously!!

I see many different lists of how to love your body and improve body image. These lists are often filled with beautiful affirmations and postivity however for many people struggling with negative body image or deep insecurities with their body, affirmations are not enough. I created a simple list of ways to start to challenge the negative thoughts and to hopefully begin the stepping stones to lead to a path of true body and self acceptance.

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1. Don’t focus on loving your body focus on loving yourself.

“Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from the negative”

To love your body means more than the physical you must start with focusing on ways to love and embrace yourself. There needs to be shift from body image to focusing on overall self image. To learn how to embrace all of who you are and everything that, that entails. Focus on your morals, values, goals and your overall purpose in life. By challenging yourself to start to deviate focus from the physical the true parts of who you are will start to shine.

2. Challenge every negative thought-

” With mindful awareness, negative self judgments make an excellent reference point for who you are NOT.”

Chances are the thoughts you say to yourself  you would never say to another human being. So why are they acceptable to say to yourself. Do not be your own bully instead focus on how you can become your own advocate. When you become aware of how truly negative and mean your thoughts can be you can start to challenge and fight them. Once you can challenge those negative thoughts and turn them into positive a true shift will occur.

3. Magazines & media-

“Warning: Reflections in the mirror may be distorted by socially constructed ideas of beauty.”

Turn your view the images and standards society and media portray of it being reality into what it is. The truth! which is it’s a fairy take, fiction, fake a fantasy. The images that are being portrayed are not real and when you can truly believe and know that these are false ideals they will have little control over your life. With the recent reports of stores posting ads with overly obvious photoshop its become increasingly clear how misguided our society is with these standards. 

4. Release Expectations-

” When you release expectations you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.”

When you hold and place expectations it can often lead to disappointment. Ask yourself how many times you stand in front of the mirror, hoping, expecting to see an image you hold in your mind, only to be let down. That expectation is taking away from the true beauty of who you are, right now, at this very moment. Instead release your expectations of what you should look like and awaken every morning excited to be surprised by the beauty of who you are. 

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I’m not saying that turning your views from the negative will be easy, but the more you challenge the negative the more the positive voice inside of you will start to take charge. It’s time to start demanding, not only an improvement in our body image but our self image! Follow these stepping stones down the path to your own personal freedom.


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For more information about myself and to view my eating disorder internet series visit: http://www.therapycable.com/streams/behind-the-mask.html 

A Call To ACTION: National Eating Disorder Week

Many people do not know that there is such a thing as National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.  On February 23-March 1 is NEDA. week. This week is important for many reasons, yet is rarely acknowledged in our culture. Eating disorders are commonly looked down upon, and I feel a big reason is because they are misunderstood. Eating disorders are an ever-growing epidemic. Many are not aware of how many around them could be suffering from this disease. Mothers, Grandmothers, Sisters, Daughters, Brothers, Sons, Grandfathers and Dads may be suffering from an eating disorder. It is a hidden secret that is often guarded, protected, and veiled with fears of judgment and shame. It is time to break down the walls. It is time to empower and fight for those suffering from an eating disorder, as well as educate those who are unsure of how severe of an issue this may

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Over 24 million people in the United States suffer from an eating disorder (anad.org). Eating disorders, specifically Anorexia, are the number one… the NUMBER ONE killer of all mental disorders. NUMBER ONE!!!
Eating disorders can be difficult to understand, but they affect more people than we realize. Dialogues must be started. Media stereotypes and the messages we send to the youth of America must be challenged. This growing epidemic will only continue to get worse, unless we shine a spotlight on this issue and increase our awareness.Young children are not immune to this disease. I have seen patients who have stated that their eating disorders started as young as the age of 5. How can children that young learn to hate their bodies? How do they learn to harm themselves in such a physical way to cope with internal pain? Information about this issue must spread; we cannot stay silent any longer. It is time to speak up, to learn, grow, and face this problem. For someone suffering from an eating disorder, it may feel like being locked in a silent prison that slowly kills.
 
By talking about eating disorders and reducing the stigma associated with them we can start to make a difference
There are many misconceptions about eating disorders and people who have or are currently struggling with one. I’ve heard time and time again, “Why can’t the behavior just be stopped?”, as if it were as easy as turning an on switch off. What many people don’t know is that an eating disorder is a disease, and also an addiction. Eating disorders are more than just a behavior; it is a mindset and a thought process that takes over many aspects of a person’s life. There is more eating disorders than an obsession with weight and body image; there are factors that contribute to the extreme mindset and feelings that come with an eating disorder. If we can better understand the mindset and find ways to help then maybe one day the recovery rate of won’t be as low as it is now.The purpose of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week is to ultimately prevent eating disorders and body image issues while reducing the stigma surrounding eating disorders and improving access to treatment. Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses – not choices – and it’s important to recognize the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape the disorder. We have come far in the last two decades but eating disorders research continues to be under-funded, insurance coverage for treatment is inadequate, and societal pressures to be thin or look a certain way remain rampant. Some doctors fail to recognize the signs or offer the help that many people suffering from an eating disorder need. Education is vital. 
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We need acceptance, we need love, and we need hope. Most of all, those who suffer from an eating disorder need support. The more we can make them feel safe to share their stories and feel understood, the more we can continue to combat for and help those in need. I have hope that one day we will live in a society where our shape and weight are not what define us. I have hope that one day those suffering will continue to find the courage and strength within themselves to fight and know it’ll be ok; that recovery is possible and that they have a voice we want to hear.This is a call to action. Please do your part and increase awareness with eating disorders. You can visit nationaleatingdisorders.org. The smallest things make the largest difference. Thank you.By talking about eating disorders and reducing the stigma associated with them we can start to make a difference.

Breaking Binge

I love to address and discuss topics that inspire me, motivate me or allow me to think of things in a new light. When I decided to start an eating disorder recovery & support group I was baffled that majority of the emails I received were from men and women looking for help with binge eating. I personally have noticed and this is my opinion that binge eating is less frequently talked about or discussed. I believe that clinically and socially anorexia and bulimia are more focused on because of the more obvious physical presentation of the eating disorder however binge eating while physically not as apparent is equally as tragic, harmful and devestating. Statistics state that binge eating is the most common of all eating disorders. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), binge eating disorder statistics are as follows: 1.2% of adults experience BED in any 12 month period. This means that 1.6% of women and 2.0% of men will experience BED in any one year. Binge eating is an uncontrollable urge or impulse to intake an overconsumption of food. I am writing this post and dedicating it to those who suffer from binge eating. I have heard many clients desperate to find a way to control their urges to binge. They feel helpless, lost, trapped in the vicious cycle of their binge eating and many feel hopeless. This blog post is not only to educate the clinicians but to give hope to those who feel they will never regain their control. Recovery from any eating disorder is possible.

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I wish I could provide the ultimate answer on how to stop binging or how to overcome an eating disorder, while I may not have an answer my mission has been to educate people on the different resources, techniques and ways clinicians and someone struggling can help think about and fight eating disorders.  I believe every person I work with or see functions and responds differently. What works for one person will not work for another. This is why I am constantly stressing for the clinicians to look at the bigger picture and think outside of what has been or is being conventionally done. Not to take away or say it doesn’t help but I believe we can go further, research more and find new answers or approaches to help those who may be suffering.

Binge eating has always been looked at as an emotional way of coping which it is. So clinicians tend to ask questions and dig deeper into the emotions, triggers and thoughts associated with or what happened before, during and after a binge. These are all great questions and things to examine and explore. Yes binge eating resonates with a great deal of the emotional turmoil going on inside, like I said in my previous post “Untangling The eating disorder web” binge eaters tend to take in to much never feeling fully gratified or satisfied. I am challenged however to look at Binge eating in multiple lights. I discovered this amazing book titled “Brain over Binge” written by Kathyrn Hansen. Reading this book my mind was blown away at her way of describing the binge cycle. While yes for many of our clients and for those who suffer from binge eating it is very emotionally driven however once in therapy and those emotions, issues and triggers are unveiled and identified what about the binge urge itself and the brain chemical component of the cycle? How do we tackle the brains urges and break the habit that has been conditioned and formed for so long. I can honestly say as a clinician like most of us do, we want to find the emotional answers, identify the triggers use distraction techniques coping skills, but what if those do not work for some of our clients? This book gives insight onto another way clinicians and someone who may be suffering can view themselves and their binge urges.  

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The author viewed her urges to binge as a survival instinct coming from a place of restriction or constant thoughts of not overeating. Scientifically if we look at someone who is starving themselves or restricting their food the brain and body kick into overdrive, needing food and nourishment to survive. This can lead to an insatiability and a need to eat more than one normally should to satisfy their body. This is where the guilt and shame come in and for some purging takes place .This cycle is triggered by the brain and body going into survival mode. She calls it the cycle of the divided brain. She splits up the behaviors assigning them as your conscious choices to restrict and diet, they are you and under your control. She describes the binge part the part with no control as “it” meaning the brains survival instinct. This revelation or way of viewing it was very powerful and in many ways made sense.  The cycle diagramed below many clients have expressed to me gave them hope that they could regain control over their urges. They felt their binge eating was not a part of them or their identity which I feel for many can be freeing. They said it explained to them what their binge eating truly was and that they were not helpless to give in to it. 

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As clinician we tell our clients when urges to restrict, binge or purge come up to use coping skills or to distract until the urges go away and for many clients this is very powerful and works and has helped many to recover. I am speaking to those out there where distraction only heightens the urges or delays them until eventually they are given in to. The author has stated to sit with your urges allow them to come over you like a wave and allow the thought to come but DO NOT act on them. She likens it to a storm the waves will come and crash down on you but eventually the storm will settle. She breaks down her steps that helped her which I have listed below from her blog.

1.    View urges to binge as neurological junk. (This means quit believing the urges signaled a real need – physical or emotional – and stopped assigning the urges any value or significance whatsoever.  View them as automatic brain messages generated in the  lower brain that deserved no attention. 
2. Separated the highest human brain from the urges to binge.(This means realizing the urges are not you, but instead are generated in brain regions inferior to your true self. Your true self resides in your prefrontal cortex – Your highest human brain – and it gives you the ability to say “no” to binge eating.  You have to know your urges are powerless to make you binge, and your true self has ultimate control over your voluntary actions.)   
3.  Stop reacting to your urges. (This means stop letting your urges to binge affect you emotionally and spiral you down to guilt and shame.  Allow them to come and go without getting wrapped up in them. This will make the urges tolerable and eventually easier to resist.) 
4. Stop acting on your urges. ( You don’t have to substitute any other behavior or emotionally satisfying activity for binge eating. I only had to refrain from binge eating.)
5. Get excited. (This is a bonus. By rejoicing in the success you do have even if its one urge or one day  you speed along the brain changes that can change habits and behavior.)     

The tools I listed above may only help some people and for others it may not but the beauty in educating people and increasing awareness is getting all different methods and inspiration out there. Every human being is different which is why what may work for one will not work for another. As clinicians we need to to understand and know the different ways to view eating disorders. If we look at them based on characteristics and treat them in one specific way we are doing a disservice to so many people who do not fall into “designated general categories”  We as clinicians by doing more research by exploring new avenues give our clients  to benefit from it. My message today is there is hope, there are alternatives, we just have to be open to explore all outlets and all forms of thinking because for those who suffer educating them and trying to understand who they are will help uncover the ways we can guide them on their path to recovery.

For more information about Binge Eating watch my discussion on the show  Behind The Mask: Eating Disorders Unveiled.

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Breaking the Silence: Eating Disorders and the men who suffer

Eating disorders are commonly associated as a struggle that only women go through even commonly referred to as a “woman’s disease”. Preoccupation with image, body,  and self is highly associated to be issues that women struggle with and think about. I am here to break the silence and inform you that this stereotype is far from true. The reality is that out of the 8 millions people who suffer from Eating Disorders in the US 10 percent of them are male. In fact between 1999 and 2009 the government estimates indicate that the number of males admitted to hospitals for complications from eating disorders rose by a whopping 53 percent. Recent studies and surveys show that young males have admitted to vomiting, restricting or have used laxatives to control their weight as well as taken diet pills. This can be rather shocking as men stereotypically are not thought of to suffer from an eating disorder. I estimate that the rate of men who suffer is probably a lot higher but the embaressment and shame that many men feel stops them from speaking out and seeking treatment for themselves. I am here to shed some light that yes men suffer from eating disorders too.

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I can speak on this personally because I have worked in three residential treatment centers and I have seen many young boys and men come into treatment. I have seen boys as young as 10 and the ages range up to the age of 50. Speaking with these boys and men shed so much insight into the gripping affect body image and pressure that men themselves can feel. I have noticed this especially among male athletes who must meet weight requirments for different types of sports. Men feel their own pressure to achieve a certain look or body image type.

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Today men are more aware and conscious of their bodies. Media portrays the look of lean, fit built men with muscles and depending on the sport or peer groups, more men are feeling pressured to achieve a certain look. I have noticed that especially men who are involved with wrestling, running, football and other sports feel intense pressure to be above or under a certain weight class. This leads men to either overeat, restrict, purge or use laxatives to meet this criteria. The bottom line is we need to end the stereotypes that eating disorders are a woman’s disease. I want to educate and increase the awareness that an eating disorder can affect anyone! No matter what your age, gender, status etc eating disorders are on the rise and affecting more people. Education needs to start at an early age and that begins with parents and in the schools. We also need to end the shame associated with having an eating disorder. It already is a disorder that those who suffer feel guilt and shame and have a hard time reaching out for help, but the men who suffer feel an even heightened shame to seek help.  Treatment and groups have  traditionally been targeted to women so we need to branch out and make avenues of help more open so people feel more comfortable reaching out. It’s time to end the invisible struggle, its time to break free, its time to heal!

20 ways to LOVE your body!

Happy Sunday Everyone! I’ve been getting a lot of positive feedback on the 10 ways to a better body image list here’s another greatest of 20 ways to love your body. The more you find the good in you and your body to focus on and embrace less power you give to the negative thoughts that love to try and take control. I hope this post helps you as we go into a new week of 20 new mindsets & things to try to one day get to self love & acceptance!

20 Ways to Love Your Body
Courtesy of NEDA and Margo Maine, Ph.D.

1. Think of your body as the vehicle to your dreams. Honor it. Respect it. Fuel it.

2. Create a list of all the things your body lets you do. Read it and add to it often.

3.Become aware of what your body can do each day. Remember it is the instrument of your life, not just an ornament.

4. Create a list of people you admire: people who have contributed to your life, your community, or the world.

5. Consider whether their appearance was important to their success and accomplishments.

6. Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.

7.Don’t let your weight or shape keep you from activities that you enjoy.

8. Wear comfortable clothes that you like, that express your personal style, and that feel good to your body.

9. Count your blessings, not your blemishes.

10. Think about all the things you could accomplish with the time and energy you currently spend worrying about your body and appearance. Try one!

11. Be your body’s friend and supporter, not its enemy.
Consider this: your skin replaces itself once a month, your stomach lining every five days, your liver every six weeks, and your skeleton every three months. Your body is extraordinary–begin to respect and appreciate it.

12. Every morning when you wake up, thank your body for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day.

13. Every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.

14.Find a method of exercise that you enjoy and do it regularly. Don’t exercise to lose weight or to fight your body. Do it to make your body healthy and strong and because it makes you feel good. Exercise for the Three F’s: Fun, Fitness, and Friendship.

15. Think back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body.
Tell yourself you can feel like that again

16. Keep a list of 10 positive things about yourself–without mentioning your appearance. Add to it! Put a sign on each of your mirrors saying, “I’m beautiful inside and out.”

17. Choose to find the beauty in the world and in yourself.

18. Start saying to yourself, “Life is too
short to waste my time hating my body this way.”

19. Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired.

20. Surround yourself with people that remind you of your inner strength and beauty.